Dad

It's been four years.  I miss my Valentine. I'm feeling weak.  So many thoughts. Loss. 

I used to think that I'd already mourned the loss of my father... later my mother.  Never had a father.  His seed sown at a summer fair, with a broken girl.  He knew me.  Held me in his arms.  His first born. Mother showed me the picture.  Met him again at 18.  He agreed we looked alike - Never saw him again. 

My man loved me. We had our family, four beautiful strong healthy boys! Thirty + years, then FUCKING cancer.... and now, four years later... I'm missing my Valentine. Feeling all the loss again.  

He was everything, husband, best friend, lover, and the father I wish I'd had, the gift to our sons. 

My loss and theirs.