Drive home from the lake

I feel like a split personality sometimes. Today I drove the kids to the lake and spent the afternoon lounging in the sun reading. The kids played together like they can only do at the lake. No arguing, fighting, or pressing for space. They could swim when they wanted to, eat when they wanted to, relax on a towel dripping from their last swim, chase each other with oars in a mock ninja battle, race each other to the giant orange floats that delineate the swimming area, and walk on the black tubes that frame the marina. We all got to enjoy ourselves. When it was time to go everyone was tired and ready. Packed up, I cranked up the radio.

Loud and pulsing, the freedom of the drive took me back to me as a teenager driving my first car; the ugliest brown ford pinto, which took me away from the dismal reality of my mother’s apartment and her latest boyfriend. The curve of the road rocked with the music and my hand draped out the window caught the currents of air alternating cool and warm as we flew in and out of shade. I could feel my hair blown across my face and when I caught a look at myself in the rear view mirror the looped strands framed a content and relaxed face with a soft smile. For just a moment I didn’t recognize the person looking back. Were did she come from? Trees and hills rolled by, houses, yards, someone on a bike. Paul (my 3 year old) fell asleep in his seat and the other six kids in the car talked under the music, calm, pleasant, content. I just wanted to keep driving, not let this moment end.

A couple of speed zones later and we’d reached civilization. First a neighborhood, then a school, people out for an afternoon walk, and at each milestone I reached over and turned down the radio just a little more. By the time we reached the first stop light the decibels had been turned down to a respectable level. Life’s restrictive hand slowly wrapped around me again. I dropped off the extra kids and ran into a client. Visited about her new baby and how they have been having trouble getting the financing together for a house. I told her to call me so I could help her find a good mortgage broker. When we got home the kids unloaded the van and put away the food and I went to work. Pulled out my laptop and emailed a contract to a lender, made a couple of calls to confirm a meeting for tomorrow morning, and spent some time writing this.

Am I a free spirited teen, mom, working woman, writer, sometimes all of the above. Today helps me feel like maybe I can be all of the above and not loose who I am.