Feeling a bit quivery right now. Uncertain as to how I should feel about someone. Wanting to reach out but not sure what it is all about. Just want to find out more. Is reaching out the same as running away?

First there is some sort of beating brawl on TV, so I go into my room to read and check email. Next thing I know, He's upstairs hiding out with the boys. I don't want to watch men describe the intense need to make another man bleed, the thrill of knocking another man out, so I go to the bedroom. Now I hear "Dirty Jobs" is on and the sounds of Video games upstairs.

I am then overcome with the desire to seek out another individual that may talk to me. Someone I know. He is not interested in getting to know me. I know it sounds pathetic. To want to get to know someone that, now that classes are over, is satisfied to just move on. I have no right to expect anything more but I'm disappointed. I had hoped for time. Time to get to know him better. I suppose I'm a bit of a parasite. When I find characteristics in someone that I find distinct and desirable I try to take them into myself, make them part of me. There is much about this man I find attractive. He seems deeply moved by - well everything; literature, poetry, nature, his passion for teaching, simple pieces of life. He's also involved in theatre so I'm probably deluding myself. I thought I'd finally found someone that could still see the world the way I always did. He's helped me regain contact with this more open part of me.